What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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