Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
