everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Farmville is her only friend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
