she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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