I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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