Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it because I queefed?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
