I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
