if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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