Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
