3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
