There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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