...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize