please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
