I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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