My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize