masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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