I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
