My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
