I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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