You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
