i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
