dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Randomize
