She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
