My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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