did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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