my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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