I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
