drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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