Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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