do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
