you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
