WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
