all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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