i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dignity is for republicans.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
