I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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