My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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