I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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