She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize