you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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