plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's get the cat blown out
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
