Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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