So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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