you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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