I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
