we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
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Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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