Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
