you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
