I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
