So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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