I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
