She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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