Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
