i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
