Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
