sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
