i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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