I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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