every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
