i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
