i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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