I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My pussy is not your playground.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
